


cold, dark sea (your waves are rocking me)

by forcebound



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Assassination Attempt(s), F/M, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Poisoning, Redeemed Ben Solo, Sort Of, This is my first Reylo fic, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:15:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27397810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forcebound/pseuds/forcebound
Summary: Kylo Ren was not afraid to die, but he was afraid of dying alone.--An attempt on his life leaves Kylo Ren desperate to reach Rey one more time.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 3
Kudos: 51





	cold, dark sea (your waves are rocking me)

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this... a few weeks ago and it's been sitting on my g-docs. I am unsure of how I feel about it but I figure why not? Things are crazy right now. I hope wherever you are right now, you're safe. 
> 
> Title is from [Of Monsters and Men's "Sinking Man"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6II3p7fxo8&ab_channel=OfMonstersAndMenVEVO)
> 
> I know this is quite angsty, but I'm not lucasfilm, there's a happy ending in here.

_Cold, dark sea  
Wrapping its arms around me  
Pulling me down to the deep  
All eyes on me_

_I push you away,  
Although I wish you could stay  
So many words left unsaid  
But I'm all out of breath_  
\------------------------------------------------------------ 

Sweat builds on a pale brow. A shaking hand wipes it away as the owner stumbles past the door of his quarters before his vision blurs and he drops, heavily, to his knees.

Kylo Ren is not well. 

He realized it after his training ended and he’d gone to use the fresher. The face that looked back at him in the mirror was not one he recognized, pale and gaunt with deep, nearly purple shadows and a thin layer of stubble on his chin. 

This was not a man he recognized. 

Willing to put it as a sudden onslaught of an illness, something that quickly turns into the realization that it might be something more. Something more sinister than simply working himself too hard, putting too much on his person. 

Poison. That was the only explanation. It had to be it. There were many men under his rank, many of whom hadn’t been happy with his sudden rise in power, or how he’d come to it. Afterall, was he not only Snoke’s attack dog, wild and untamed-? But how would someone have managed to accomplish such a task without being caught? All of his food was prepared and tested before coming to him. 

Hands clenched into a fist, Kylo closed his eyes past blinding pain in his head, past his eyes. Coughing wracked his body and he spat something coppery onto the floor. It felt as if he were trying to breathe underwater for he could barely catch his breath. He would soon choke on the fluid in his lungs--he thought, the thought coming from somewhere far away. As if he were beyond himself, thinking it, watching the scene from a distance. 

One hand clutched his throat, the other reached out to a person out of his grasp, millions of lightyears away. 

“Please--” _Don’t let me die_. 

Kylo Ren was not afraid to die, but he was afraid of dying alone. 

\--

Her dreams were always vivid. Even before her powers awakened, Rey dreamt of places she never thought existed. Rich fields of flowers, or an island surrounded by water as far as the eye could see. 

Sometimes she’d see fresh blood on fallen snow or a dark figure--and a cold hard rage. She knows now--being more familiar with the future than she cares to admit. It’s Ben--no, Kylo, only his mother still calls him Ben, but only in private and only to Rey’s ears. 

The man she thought she knew, glimpsed in quiet moments in a shared bond, was gone. And she hates to admit it, because it means she was wrong, but also in part she really wanted to know him better. 

Tonight was different. Her body burned as pain tore through her senses, and she woke, choking on blood and bile. With a gasp she sat up and immediately turned on the light, breathing quickly. Her heart hammered in her chest as the air went still, like it had been sucked through a vacuum seal and the world around her fell away. 

She heard him before anything. Harsh, labored breaths and a gasping moan that had her pulling her pillow over her head to try and block it out. Block him out. Months of silence and now this -- she gets to listen to his private time? 

“I swear if you’re doing anything gross right now, Kylo Ren--” 

“Rey.” It was a quiet, barely there sound that she somehow caught even with her ears covered, and she sat up, fully prepared to throw the pillow at him and his stupid face but the pathetic image that caught her attention had her heart dropping into her stomach. He looked wrecked--pale and shaking, covered in a fine layer of sweat, blood dripping onto the carpet from his mouth in a puddle. Reaching out for her. 

“Ben!” His other name flew out of her mind as his given one slipped from her mouth. She jumped out of bed and stopped at his side, grabbing his arm. 

“I’m here, I’m here… I’m--” In the force, she could feel his signature, normally so steady and strong and defiant, waver and flicker like a lightbulb. She touched his face, the unnatural warmth radiating from his skin nearly burning her. 

“I wanted to see you. One last time.” Ben stared up at her, his gaze unfocused and wavering. And the last few months of pretending he didn’t exist, or blocking him out felt wasted because he was here now, and he was dying and there was nothing that she could do. Rey fisted his dark tunic, and grabbed the back of his head as it began to list forward. _Look at me, dammit_. Blood dribbled from his lips, still. 

“No, you don’t get to do this. You’re going to live and continue to be a monumental pain in everyone’s ass, do you hear me? Ben? Ben!” 

No response as she shook him, there was barely anything left of him. Barely hanging on. 

And for a lack of knowing what to do, she kissed him. How she had wanted to do that in the lift that day, now his lips were unresponsive against her own. Tasting of blood and salt ( _when had she started crying?_ ) and sweat. _Don’t leave me._

__

__

Please, stay. 

_You are loved.  
I love you_. 

Light traveled down the bond, into his body… and he took a breath, shallow, but no longer labored and raspy with impending death. 

… just as the door opened and Finn, followed by Poe and Leia Organa, stepped inside. 

\--

Afterwards, Rey would struggle to remember what happened next. After Poe stood down under Leia’s orders and the medics swarmed the room, after Finn informed a very confused Poe of the link between Leia and the man they knew as Kylo Ren, after he was taken away on a gurney, still too pale, still too barely there for her liking--but no longer dying, she explained to the three of them in no great detail about the bond she shared with Ben…

… after, she sat by his bedside in the medbay, listening to the reassuring beeps of machinery that told her that he was still alive, and waited. 

She was good at waiting. 

\--

When Ben woke, he was warm. Not the unbearable heat of fever that had plagued him with his poisoning, but warmth of light and of love, and when he opened his eyes it was to a pair of hazel eyes, shining with unshed tears. A hand, small, but rough from years of hard toil wrapped around his larger one and he squeezed it back. 

After all this time, Ben Solo had finally come home.


End file.
